Fear is so weird. The unknown and improbable scares most of us. For instance, I’m often told someone won’t go sailing because they are either afraid of water or can’t swim. To which I always reply,  stay on-board; that’s what the boat is for. They counter but the boat might sink. Explaining that sailboats can take care of themselves with examples of boats being found months after being abandon has, of course, no effect.

I’ve known one who had no fear of flying acrobats over the ocean but a heeling sailboat just frightens her. And she loves roller coasters, but a 4 foot wave is too much. It used to be a 2 foot wave, but after a few sails her tolerance increased.

Experience reduces fear. Early on anxiety accompanied the idea of a 20 knot wind or a 6 foot wave. Now I think of such as at worst uncomfortable. Getting caught out in unfriendly weather has that effect. Experience mitigates fear. Knowledge the same.

All of my sailing pales when compared to Eileen Quin’s song “Get me through this night”.

I solo a lot. I remember the months it took to go it alone the first time. Mostly I was afraid of docking. How was I, alone, going to dock a 5 ton, 30 foot boat without damage?Totally irrational: I had docked her a hundred times by then. Yep, solo docked the same way I had always done, just alone. Made no difference at all.

So comes the time when I finally get a spinnaker. Once again fear. After a couple years spinning with sailing buddies the solo fear was still there. Just couldn’t bring myself to solo a spinnaker. Hugely powerful sail and the devilish wraps they excel in simply rev’ed up the anxiety factor.

QT’s spin is a 600 square foot asymmetric with a dousing sock. Simple operation: just stand on the foredeck pull the sock up and the spin blossoms out. That’s what the ad said. My buds did well on the foredeck, with me usually at the helm. We’d gybe by letting go the sheet so the spin streamed forward the bow then haul in the new sheet. When it went well it was a beautiful dance. On occasion, pretty it was not.  One particularly bad wrap occurred a mile offshore. It took 45 minutes to undo and used all the sea room except the wrong side of 200 feet.

So I had mixed feelings about solo spin work. Of course it was doable, others have done it, why not me? Why, its all in the details. Setup is no big deal, but the dance that follows, the way I learned, was precise. Helm steers downwind, makes sure the main blocks wind so the foredeck man can deploy the spin. Take down is basically the same. Two guys, easy.

Then I decided to take my first vacation in a couple years. Dreamed of sailing everyday. But an unusual long and high high settled in over Arizona resulting in Santa Monica Bay stuck in doldrums. I won’t say climate change.

Three knot storms, with vicious 2 inch waves. Think I saw a 6 inch rogue wave once. I raced sea weed and lost. I was learning how to gracefully drift. Longed to break 0.5 knots. I was frustrated.

So, thinks I, all I need is a mechanical helmsman to hold her downwind. Not having one, I tie a few strings to the tiller, balance the sails and she’ll hold course for hours. Downwind requires a rolling hitch on the jib sheet and some surgical tubing.  Check got both.

But a slight problem, a jib and spin don’t play nicely. On QT a loose spin halyard fouls jib furling. So jib must be furled first, thus no self steering. So no downwind deploy. And no video or document that indicated any other course.

I figured with a couple knots of wind how bad could things get? Fool overboard?

Once I got beyond the improbability of swimming, setup commenced. First self-steering, that was easy, with a furled jib, she’ll point windward – all boats will. Run the a starboard and port sheet with 2 trips to bow. Then below deck to undog the hatch and feed the socked spin’s head through. Then back to bow and attach spin halyard. Haul away. Grab the sock’s dousing line tying it off. Can’t have spin prancing around. Next connect the tack line. Oops, back to cockpit to cast tack off. On the foredeck again attaching the tack line. Lost balance – that rogue wave I mentioned – fell to one knee – ouch. Tie sheets to clew – good old bowline. Back to cockpit, position tack (using an OXO cleet knot), and put some tension on the sheet. One more trip forward for raising the sock.

The spin hangs to port and near spreaders. Back at helm, trimming spin sheet and falling off a bit to just below a beam reach. One knot, two wow! Just like in the movies.

Relaxed for the next 20 minutes. Then just like that, ZERO wind and none in sight.  The mighty spin looked so wrinkled and sad just hanging there.  After a bit, when even burning incense failed to attract even a twinge of wind, I packed it in for the day. Motored to slip.

The doldrums continued, the spin showed it power. On a beam reach, after making 5 knots, I begin thinking of the adage of when should one reef. Why a beam reach, well in my area, downwind is a short distance with a hard stop.

Thus ended my irrational fear of flying the spin alone.